


Swallowed by Misery

by Fateweaver



Series: DreamSMP Fics [11]
Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angry TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Angst demands it, Dave | Technoblade and Wilbur Soot and TommyInnit are Siblings, Dead TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Gen, Ghostbur, Hurt/Comfort, Toby Smith | Tubbo Misses TommyInnit, ghostinnit, i look at the tags and wince, no beta we die like ghostinnit, ouch sorry GhostInnit
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-05
Updated: 2020-12-07
Packaged: 2021-03-09 22:22:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,311
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27893782
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fateweaver/pseuds/Fateweaver
Summary: After Tommy was exiled, he died. Simple as that, willingfully edging close to a creeper with no armor whatsoever, waiting for it to explode. Simple as that, and nobody besides Ghostbur knew. Not even Phil, or Techno, or Tubbo, or Dream. Nobody knew that the boy lost his last  life and now roamed the lands alongside his ghost-brother as a ghost himself.Tubbo didn’t really expect to see Tommy wandering in L’Manberg after the exile. He wanted to say sorry, at least. The moment he came close, he realized something was off.The boy was grey.(Thank you IsleFlightlessBirds for the prompt!)(Hurt/Comfort)
Relationships: Dave | Technoblade & TommyInnit, No Romantic Relationship(s), Ranboo & TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Toby Smith | Tubbo & TommyInnit, TommyInnit & Phil Watson (Video Blogging RPF), Wilbur Soot & TommyInnit
Series: DreamSMP Fics [11]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1941376
Comments: 65
Kudos: 1383





	1. I Forgot How To Feel

**tw// suicide by creeper in first section**

The death was quick.  _ “As long as I can’t be the next Schlatt, you can’t be the next Wilbur.”  _ Yeah bullshit. The ONE time he put his discs over L’Manberg, the ONE time he put himself over everyone else, is the ONE time he fucked up. Tommy was so unbelievably furious, betrayed, hurt and sad. At least Ghostbur followed, right? At least he still had the Ghost of his big brother with him, right?

He can’t help but be suspicious of Ghostbur. In life, Wilbur had gone batshit and gone off insane at him. His mental health was probably a big contributing factor, wasn’t it? But still...... Tommy didn’t want to doubt, he didn’t want to worry, he just wanted to kind of be like Ghostbur, forgetting the bad bits and only remembering the good bits. Nether, he missed being innocent sometimes.

He tapped a green, armless beast on the shoulder. And a satisfied smile tugged at his lips as it flashed white, and he barely registered Ghostbur’s concerned shouts as the Ghost desperately fought his way closer to the boy, who was broken and battered beyond repair.

It was quick and relatively painless. Just as he liked it.

\---

The next time Tommy opened his eyes, there were gaps in his memories. The earliest thing he could recall was...... Abandoned by a couple? He was young? And left to die? Someone came to pick him up, was it Phil? His memory fizzes out shortly after that, with only occasional bits which were fuzzy, then suddenly he’s fifteen. SMPEarth? Random bits of memories strewn across, but none of it was too bad, mostly embarrassment or something similar. The Treaty of the Pit. Then he was sixteen and DreamSMP? Someone taking away discs? Memories were a lot more frequent in DreamSMP?

He stared at his hands, which seemed grey. It was definitely not supposed to be grey. He also felt awfully light. Hey...... Wasn’t Ghostbur grey? His memories concerning Ghostbur were fuzzy, but he was there in the background sometimes. Speaking of who, was sitting by Tommy. Or Ghost-Tommy? Did he become a Ghost? Why can’t he remember dying, then?

Wilbur - Ghostbur - didn’t know what to think. One moment Tommy was there, the next he’s dead and a Ghost, like him. But the little moments when Tommy was just  _ dead.  _ He was scared, and sad, and mad at L’Manberg for exiling him. Tommy was still his little brother, he remembered Tommy a lot, the playful bullying and teasing. Ghostbur wondered if something happened to Tommy, and that’s why Alive-Wilbur wanted to blow L’Manberg up ḽ̸̩̊i̸͓̋̚k̴͓̈e̷̡̛̒ ̵̝̽͋h̴̯͊̈e̵͈͛̚ ̵͉̑ǩ̶̘͔ĩ̵̻̤̂n̸̙̰̈́d̷̖̅ ̸̡̞̍o̸̲͑f̶̡͔͐̋ ̴̯̿̚d̷̳̙͐ȯ̷͈̎͜ẻ̸̞̬̓s̸̲̈́͝ ̴̘̕n̵̖̉͝o̸͈̫͐́ẁ̵̼͔͆ . 

Were these emotions the memories he was missing? If yes, and they hurt so bad, Ghostbur was glad he didn’t remember those bits (But why did he remember dying if he can’t remember bad things?).

“Tommy!” Ghostbur cheered, “You might be a little dead but you’re still a little live, as a ghost!” Tommy only scowled and flinched away, images of Alive-Wilbur going insane running through his mind, and Alive-Wilbur...... Dying? Right...... His Dad killed him. Even his own Dad betrayed him. Wait, but...... Right, Ghostbur being the product of Wilbur’s death. Trying to be all nice, after everything? Tommy felt bitter. He can’t remember much of Ghostbur after that.

“G-Get away!” He stumbled backwards, tripping over something. He didn’t look. “Back off!” Ghostbur looked confused for a moment.

“You don’t remember?” He asked slowly, “The happy bits? The log? Log through the pain? I-I’m your big brother, remember?”

“Big brothers don’t fucking go insane, leave their little brothers to rot when they have fucking  _ claustrophobia  _ under some pistons and mock him! Big brothers don’t fucking blow up countries!” Tommy snaps. Ghostbur tilts his head. He didn’t remember any of that, but his head hurt as something about those words resonated within his mind.

“Y-You don’t remember happy bits?” Confusion and concern became apparent on Ghostbur’s expression.

“What do you  _ mean  _ happy bits?” Tommy spat, “Everything on this server is fucking  _ shit.  _ Everyone on this server is fucking  _ shit _ .” Ghostbur froze, this wasn’t supposed to happen. Tommy was supposed to be happy. He was supposed to remember happy bits, not the bad bits. A selfish corner of his mind that wanted his memories to be whole thought it was good, they could compare notes! The less selfish part of his mind was hurting because his little brother forgot what it felt to be happy.

“R-Remember your music discs?” Ghostbur prompted, “You used to sit on the bench with Tubbo listening to them for hours. B-Before the revolution and after the Disc War. Remember?” Ghost-Tommy froze, before shaking his head.

“No,” Tommy shook his head, “I think that did happen though. You’re too awfully cheerful.” The boy looked away, slight envy settling in. He remembered Ghostbur could only remember good bits when he was annoyed at him for being so insufferably happy  _ all the time.  _ And he’ll admit it, he hated it because Alive-Wilbur would never act that way, and Alive-Tommy missed him. Ghost-Tommy not so much anymore, he can’t remember nice Alive-Wilbur bits.

“I want to go back though,” Tommy mumbled, “I want to remember the good bits. I hate this-” A pair of ghostly hands wrapped around the boy, offering comfort and one of the first tastes of warmth and joy and relief the Ghost felt in his time after death. He decided he liked this feeling.

“Dream took us really far,” Ghostbur ruffled Ghost-Tommy’s hair, which now lost most of its color and is just pale yellow, “It’ll be a while.”

“I hope it’s fuckin worth it,” Tommy grumbled, “But I’m a ghost now and I have forever to waste.”

\---

Tubbo froze the moment he saw a familiar figure sitting on the edge of one of L’Manberg’s bridges connecting house to house. His feet were dangling above the crater and he was staring listlessly into them, the lanterns being the only thing lighting the area up. He looked a lot like Tommy, but wasn’t he in exile?

That thought made Tubbo’s head hurt. He knew he  _ had  _ to exile Tommy, it was for the better of L’Manberg, but it had hurt so bad. He wanted to apologize. He was running before he knew it, then stopped short the moment he got close. Something was wrong, and it wasn’t just because Tommy was quiet.

_ Tommy was grey. _

Grey...... Like Ghostbur. Grey...... Like a ghost. The only color on him was the tint of yellow in his hair that seemed to be fading slowly more and more to white by the second, and the red stroke on his shirt and his beige pants. Now that Tubbo could see clearer, he could tell that Tommy was translucent. He could see through his best friend. That could only really mean...... That he sentenced his best friend to  _ die  _ in exile.

He took a tentative step closer, and Tommy snapped his head towards him. His eyes were still blue, but they were blank and- and lifeless. Despite that, they still bore emotion, and Tubbo knew he could never forget the pure hatred that swam within those eyes. Nor the way Ghost-Tommy stormed towards him to push him back when he tried to step closer, and the way anger lined his every action.

“Tommy, I-” Tubbo began, but was swiftly cut off.

“What do you want?” Tommy scowled. A stray thought flicked across Tubbo’s mind. Didn’t Ghostbur forget the bad things? But why did Ghost Tommy seem to remember every bad bit...?

“Do you...... Remember the bad bits?” Tubbo asked, that was probably a bad question, in hindsight.

“ _ Every single one, _ ” Tommy hissed, “I know we probably had good bits, but it’s pretty fucking hard to imagine with what I remember.” His fists were balled and his voice was slowly gaining volume. “Oh yeah,  _ great  _ fucking idea, ain’t it? Exile me with  _ nothing,  _ exile me and hand me off to someone who would take away all my fucking belongings, exile me and hand me off to someone who’s had a history of cheating and expect things to  _ turn out as they should.  _ Least you could do is to see if shit turns out the way you meant them to turn out! Or did you intend for me to die? I don’t even remember  _ how  _ I died!” He was shouting at the end of his speech, the ghost and boy both close to tears. The noise attracted attention as others began streaming out their houses from nearby.

“Tommy?!” Fundy was the first to respond, “Why are you all gre- oh.” Ghostbur floated closer, noting the crowd and winced a little. That sounds like the Tommy he knew, attracting a crowd, except this time it’s not for good or even funny reasons.

“Yeah, I’m fucking dead. Thank you all  _ very much, _ ” Tommy spat, hands still tightly balled into fists. He’s practically radiating hatred, spite and anger at this point.

“I think something happened when he died,” Ghostbur piped up, “He can only remember bad bits, not like me!”

“Uh...... Do you remember me?” Ranboo tentatively spoke up. Tommy eyed him, and his aura of hatred died down a little as confusion settled in.

“Nope,” He tilted his head, “Are you new?” Ranboo wasn’t sure whether to be relieved he didn’t do anything hurtful to Tommy, or that one of his only friends on this SMP can’t remember him. Judging from Tommy’s expression, he guessed that the boy came to the conclusion that Ranboo was the only one who hadn’t betrayed him.  _ Yet,  _ a small voice at the back of Tommy’s head whispered, his wariness still not dropping.

Tommy could see the variety of reactions strewn throughout the crowd, more negative memories surfacing as he connected each of them to a specific one. Fundy:  _ “It’s about the discs for YOU!”  _ Phil:  _ His own Dad thrusting a sword through Wil - his older brother - ‘s chest, the blue blade staining red.  _ Tubbo:  _ “Now he can’t breathe!”  _ There were some faces he couldn’t connect to any memories, like a girl with dark hair and blonde fronts, and a boy with red and blue glasses. He could trust them, right? If he could only remember bad bits, if he can’t remember anything of someone, they’re good, right?

Most of them detailed regret and horror, like they didn’t mean for him to die. Well, he did anyway. He hated the gaps in his memories, he had a feeling that being happy felt good. Ghostbur gave him that much. They tried comparing notes, but apparently a lot didn’t line up due to the memories that stuck out for the two being different and sometimes belonging to when the two weren’t with each other.

“Just leave me alone,” Tommy mumbled, “Like you all did back when I was alive.” He walked off. Ghostbur glanced between the crowd of the living and Tommy, before deciding to hang around the younger Ghost who carried so much resentment for the living.


	2. You're Blank, So You're Good?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ranboo fixes things with Tommy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DID I FRICKING MAKE TOMMY SUICIDE IN THE PREVIOUS PART THE DAY BEFORE CANON CHARACTER-TOMMY ACTUALLY THOUGHT ABOUT IT
> 
> I also wrote this with Willow Tree (Rival x Cadmium) on loop in the background I just thought it sounded like Exile Tommy and Tubbo theme if you take the meaning platonically

Ranboo had been the one to chase after Tommy. His grip on his communicator was tight, a whisper he had sent still blaring from the screen. Probably the last he ever heard from Tommy before the younger boy died.

_ <You whisper to TommyInnit> I can’t go with you. But know that I’m with you. I’ll find you soon. Stay alive ok? _

He didn’t reply. Ranboo wanted to laugh at the irony. The kid had done the exact opposite of what he asked him to do. Tommy didn’t remember him, that meant he did something right, right? That meant that he’s one of the only people who Tommy would trust, right? Ranboo didn’t want to lose this friendship he had built so quickly after its birth.

_ “That means you’re younger than me, right?” _

_ “Uh...... No. That means I’m older.” _

_ “WHY AM I STILL THE YOUNGEST?!” Laughter bubbling out from Ranboo and Niki at the boy storming off, but clearly not mad at all and was making fun anyway. He could see Tommy stopping a short distance after, joining the laughter the first two had found themselves trapped in. _

“Tommy-” Ranboo called out. The boy tensed, as if expecting an attack, or something.

“Who’s there? I already said to leave me alone-”

“It’s uh, it’s Ranboo,” Ranboo interrupted, “I know you don’t remember me-” A small, nervous laugh broke out. “Is that a good or bad thing? I’m not sure. Um, anyways, I kind of thought- You used to live in the bit under my house in L’Manberg. No offense, but your base is kind of open, and Dream kind of griefed it again. Tubbo can’t keep you banned when you’re a ghost. You can like, just go invisible, if anyone comes knocking.”

Something in the boy’s composure shifted, something tense relaxed if only just slightly. He stopped, and Ghostbur, while invisible, watched for a reaction. Tommy’s ghostly shoulders slumped, as if tired and resigned.

“Fine,” Tommy made his way towards Ranboo, “I’m staying invisible, though.”

“Understandable,” Ranboo shrugged, a relieved smile playing at his lips. Maybe his friend wasn’t as far gone as he first seemed. And maybe…… His ghost wouldn’t have to spend forever swallowed by the misery and hatred stemming from his death and exile.

  
Ranboo led the ghost back to his home, at least, he hoped he was with Tommy invisible trailing behind him. If you listened closely, you could hear a light patter of footsteps trailing behind a heavier pair. Tommy liked the feeling of walking physically on something, it was grounding, like it could prevent him from just disappearing the moment a gust of wind slammed into him. It made him feel like he was alive, for a bit, with the ability to remember without gaps. He decided he liked  _ liking.  _ It was a feeling he couldn’t quite describe, enjoying things, but it felt much better than constantly wallowing in the pain that his memories portrayed of this land.

Tommy shut the door behind him, having at least manners. Ranboo flinched, and Tommy realized he was still invisible. He laughed it off and turned himself visible again, rubbing the back of his head. Oops. Ranboo grinned and stretched out his hand.

“Since you don’t remember me, we can start again,” He stuck his hand out for a handshake, “My name is Ranboo and I’m half enderman.”

“Wait- So are you born before or after April 9th, 2004?” Tommy found himself blurting out. Ranboo’s face lit up as his grin turned wider as the older boy found himself reliving past, happy events.

“Before.”

“So you’re younger than me,” Tommy replied, a slight tint of a victorious tone sliding into his voice. Ranboo laughed.

“No, that means I’m older,” The older male watched the ghost’s expression change as he threw his hand up in the air and stormed to the other side of the room.

“Why am I still the youngest?!” His accent seemed particularly obvious at the last word, and Ranboo dissolved into laughter, clutching his stomach as tears threatened to spill. Tommy felt a sense of familiarity in the exchange he just had, in fact-

_ “Why am I still the youngest?!” Alive-Tommy stormed off from…… Church Prime? Ranboo and the girl he couldn’t remember were both doubled over laughing, and even though Alive-Tommy looked annoyed, he really wasn’t. Soon, Alive-Tommy was laughing too. It felt good and happy. _

Ghost Tommy tilted his head as he turned, blinking a little, “Didn’t we do that before……? Near Church Prime? I think…… When we first met?” Ranboo leapt up, having previously sat on a couch, both eyes bright.

“You’re remembering?!” Ranboo had asked excitedly, his tail flicked around at the action, giving his actions an animalistic touch. “And like, you don’t feel bad at that memory right?”

“Nope,” Tommy replied, finding a comfortable position to sit on the floor, still a little wary, but it was lifted for a little when that warming memory surfaced. 

“That’s very pog!” Ranboo was very visibly excited, “This means as long as something’s familiar triggers memories that means you’re not entirely hopeless on trying to get them back. Uh, is there anyone else you can’t remember?”

Tommy thought hard, “The girl and the guy with the weird glasses- Not George, I remember him.” The moment the name George was tested on his tongue, his mouth felt sour and his tongue tasted something bitter.

“Niki and Jack?” Ranboo suggested, “They didn’t hurt you, so you don’t remember them too?”

“I mean, why else would I forget about them?” Tommy laughed bitterly, “Unless they’re newer than you? But Niki was in that memory with you.”

“Yeah…… They’re both here a lot longer than I am,” Ranboo’s smile fell a little, but was picked up again, “But hey, you can try to do the thing you did with me. Like reenact a scene or just visit familiar places. Maybe you’ll remember?”

Tommy let the words sink in.  _ He didn’t have to feel shitty all the time.  _ He could- There’s actually a chance that he would remember good things like Ghostbur had been trying to prod at. He can start with people he couldn’t remember at all, it makes the most sense, really.

\---

The ghost of Tommy could be found trailing behind Ranboo the most often. Some of the others weren’t surprised to find that Tommy had agreed to stay with Ranboo for the time being, having no desire to stay with any other (Maybe except for Ghostbur, but Tommy didn’t want to live in a sewer). It was understandable. Ranboo had then dragged Tommy over to Niki’s, hoping to get a memory or two working.

Today Ranboo had dragged Tommy over to a house carved into the side of a hill. Could it even be called a hill? It was more like a dirt mound with a fancy door at its entrance. Ranboo had considered putting off this visit, considering this is how everything started going downhill. Gazing on George’s house, rebuilt, Ranboo wondered if that day he had just stopped Tommy from griefing it, or Tommy had thrown  _ him  _ under the bus instead, if things would’ve turned out just as bad.

But one thing Ranboo was sure of, was that during the time they spent robbing it, they had a blast. They were laughing and making jokes as they looted George’s chests. Even though it was the moment everything started tumbling downhill and everything went out of hand, they sure were happy while doing it.

_ “Hey Ranboo, do you know what a fire penis is?” Tommy had suddenly asked, a mischievous glint in his eye and smile. _

_ “Uh, no…...” Ranboo trailed off as he watched Tommy build a structure with Netherrack in the shape of a penis, then proceed to light the tips of those very same Netherrack. He bursted into laughter. _

_ “Well, now I do.” Laughter came from both ends. _

Tommy had mixed feelings about the memory. Somewhere deep inside, he knew that this singular piece of memory, this singular event, triggered the downfall of what once was a happier time. But even he had to admit that he had a blast bring about his downfall. 

“Is this…… Where everything went to shit?” Tommy asked, turning to Ranboo, who looked a little nervous at the eye contact but nodded anyway.

“Yeah, I thought about showing you it since we had a blast but like…… This is what set off your exile……” Ranboo explained, “Did it work?”

“Yeah,” Tommy replied, his eyes trailed along with the clouds floating across the bright, blue sky. He vaguely remembered that his eyes used to be as vibrant as the color of the sky. He glanced between Ranboo and the house, occasionally drifting within the memories he’d regained.

Yeah, the blank people are good. And maybe he’d heal, starting with them.


End file.
